I have imposter syndrome (do you?)

Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of this "imposter syndrome" stuff. Granted, Life has been throwing me some nasty curve balls lately, but it seems like the longer I go at this and the more success I achieve, the less I feel I deserve it. Not only that, but the goalposts I've set for myself keep moving farther away from me...it's like playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts. I was hoping that 30 would be The Year of the Confident Woman, but it feels more The Year I Felt Like I Sucked Even Though Evidence Suggests Otherwise.

So I'm tucking this in my back pocket, friends. Maybe I'll read it once or ten times a day.

Transient

So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore

"If having it all is a myth, then keeping it all is science fiction at its furthest fetch. The pressure is impossible, and the appetite of that beast is insatiable. ...no one is more thoroughly seduced by the lie that security is circumstantial than somebody who has almost everything."

- Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity

The Tender Heart by Joseph Nowinski

"Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt -- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."

- Joseph Nowinski, The Tender Heart: Conquering your insecurity

I've added a new project to my field notes categories -- raising my limits. As much as I know about business and marketing and the state of the web, my own self is the thing that most often stands in the way of the things I personally want to do in the world.

As I'm reading about self-doubt and what it actually is (insecurity), I see so much of it in my life that I never noticed before. Ironically, it's mainly around productivity. I have a terrible fear of being lazy. It's also around making personal commitments that I'm afraid I won't be able to keep. Oh, and my house. I'm scared of my house being terribly messy and people finding out about it.

(I heard today is bring your neuroses to work day. Didn't you know?)