Conferences: Fourteen primordial truths

I have a confession to make: I have never been to a conference. Not ever. This weekend's 99% Conference will be my first one. And the only reason that I'm going to that is because Gwen and Kelly pledged to be my roomies. And while I'm making confessions, I might as well admit that I've never been to NYC. My friend Fern says I just have to know what I'm doing, which is next to impossible if you've ever met me (I'm the girl that smiles at everyone at Target, in the parking lot, in the movie theatre. Everyone.) I try to be cool, but it just isn't possible. I am genuinely...smiley.

While I was staring at the giant letters on my to-do list that said "START PACKING", I became quite overwhelmed. So I did what any analytical nerdy web worker would do: I procrastinated did my research. I read blog posts far and wide to try and figure out what I'm getting myself into and how to make the most of it. In doing so, I discovered some pretty interesting perspectives on conference-going, which I've boiled down into 14 possible truths (I'll have to rely on you experienced conference-goers to tell me if they're actually true).

Things that are possibly true about conferences

Lots of good stuff there. Questions that I did not find the answer to:

  • What happens if the cab driver takes me the loooong way?
  • What if I clam up and can't think of anything interesting to say?
  • How am I going to possibly stand being away from my 8 week old for 2.5 days?
  • Do I need to plan meetups with people ahead of time? Or is that lame and un-spontaneous?
  • What kind of tweeting/sharing will be useful, fun and not extremely annoying during this thing?
  • OH MY GOSH I HAVE NO ELEVATOR PITCH

I am not at all anxious about this. Umm.